We’ll call this edition of BSB True Life: I Was an English Major. Why is this relevant to anything, you may ask? Because when I first got engaged, I did what I have always done when I’ve been excited about something I know little about: I read everything I could get my hands on.

Sometimes it feels like you need to read this many books to plan a wedding–and then, they don’t even say the same things!

In fact, I was ordering wedding-related books from the library so often that the librarians started leaving me voicemail messages saying things like “You have another wedding book available at the circulation desk” or “Wow. You’re going to have the best wedding ever!”

I read everything: books about flowers and cakes and money-saving. For my academic side, I read The Offbeat Bride and The Anti-Bride Guide. The feminist (and semi-anti-consumerist) in me examined Committed: A Love Story and One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding. I was posting wedding trivia on my personal blog at least every couple of days. I read blogs on topics like “choosing the perfect wedding photographer” and “quelling wedding-day drama,” and attended bridal expos. I visited bridal shops and monitored Craigslist daily for The. Perfect. Gown.

I obsessively sifted through friends’ wedding pictures and asked everyone I knew for recommendations on various vendors. Where I couldn’t find personal recommendations, I consulted community sites like Wedding Wire and Yelp.

Heck, I even watched Bridesmaids and My Big Fat Greek Wedding (the latter of which I love, but wouldn’t necessarily recommend watching right before the big day).

I learned how to integrate unusual words and phrases like “venue,” “e-session,” “portraiture,” “boutonnière,” “pomander,” and “first look” into my everyday vocabulary.

In other words, I became a major wedding nerd.

But you know what the problem is with this whole process? Weddings, like children, are one of those topics that everyone thinks they have expertise in. Everyone you know has either been married themselves—maybe more than once!—or been to someone else’s wedding. Everyone has a story to tell—and usually loves telling it. Vendors have years worth of experiences and insights. Everyone’s “friend’s cousin’s niece” has a delicious horror story about the photographer who disappeared (oh wait, that was me!) or the fond reminiscence of Aunt Linda’s beautiful bouquet—made even more perfect by the inclusion of Grandma’s locket.

Yet not one of these perspectives comes without bias. Family members may have a personal investment into whether or not you invite Great Aunt Sally and her Band of 1,000 Cats. Friends may be worried about who else is going to be there that they do—or do not!—like. Vendors are people who make their living off of your spending habits, so it’s never going to behoove them to downsell you.

Are you and your husband regular attendees at Ye Olde Renaissance Faire? Why not host a medieval-themed ceremony?

The problem with reading and watching and listening to people talk about weddings is just that—they’re talking about weddings. Plural. Many, or in general. They’re not talking about your wedding. No matter how well-intentioned they may be, they can’t possibly know everything there is to know about you, your fiancée, your beliefs, your priorities, or your wedding goals. Conveniently, they’re also not the ones spending what is easily thousands (if not tens of thousands) of dollars on this particular soiree.

It’s really easy to get lost in the whole planning process. Even if you’re not particularly interested in cake flavors, monogrammed napkins, chair covers, color swatches, or whatever, other people ask so often about these elements of your wedding that miniscule details can suddenly seem incredibly important. No one, I have noticed, really asks about you—as a person, a woman, or as the partner you will soon be. A lot goes into the wedding-planning process. Sure, there are countless inane details, but there is also a marriage going on. There’s this big commitment happening that is—all at once—invigorating, exciting, terrifying, and reassuring.

There are two people, building a whole new life for themselves—a life that now establishes them as a unit to the outside world. These two people, when all of the wedding guests are gone, will be living that new life, so it should be those two people who set the terms of that agreement.

True wedding personalization—particularly if you are trying to combine it with budget-savvy-ness—is a challenging prospect. Making things uniquely you can be very difficult in a culture that rewards excess and mass-production.

So, before you get too involved in wedding planning, I recommend setting goals for your day. Do you want to get married outside? Is spending the maximum amount of time with your guests most important to you? Do you have particular traditions you want to uphold, or that you don’t value at all? What is most important to you as a couple, and how can you convey that to others (or do you want to)? Being budget-savvy may mean doing without certain extras that others will say you just have to have, but it can also mean an opportunity to integrate this day into your life—a celebration not of a wedding day, but of the lifelong marriage yet to come.

_________________ Thanks for reading Of Weddings AND Marriage from: The Budget Savvy Bride

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The fiancée and I had several debates about what to give away as favors. We wanted it to be somewhat practical; something that our guests could use or enjoy either on the day of the wedding or afterward. We also wanted whatever it was to share something about us without being some random monogrammed thing. Unfortunately, as it turns out, anything times 100 (or more!) equals a lot of money—for something they may not even like or use anyway. And then it’s supposed to be something clever and elegant and explicitly “couple-y” according to every wedding site in the world, so what is a couple to do?

Jon and I ran through many different favor ideas for our wedding in an attempt to determine what we might do. I understand why couples give food gifts (chocolate, biscotti, and decorated cookies are a few I’ve seen at recent weddings we’ve attended), but most guests are pretty stuffed by the end of the wedding, and many food items are not necessarily very portable. Other ideas we ran through:

• Bookmarks (because he writes book reviews, and we both like to read and write)
• Playing cards or another game-related item (we often play board and card games together, and actually requested some games on our registry for this reason)
• Seed packets (we liked the idea of growing together as a couple, planting something that could last, etc.)
• Giving away wedding décor items of some kind (yay, dual purpose!)
• Spices (we have a favorite spice shop that creates some wonderful custom blends)
• Something garden-related (since our ceremony was taking place in a garden)
• Some kind of mug-cake mix (this just seemed like a cool idea)

Would you believe that these lovely frosted-glass jars came from a science-supply store? They were inexpensive and pretty!

After much thought, we came up with our thing—white and dark chocolate (after seeing our first-ever picture together, one of our co-workers commented “Well that’s chocolate and vanilla!”) mixes. The hot chocolate idea made sense, as we both spend a lot of time in coffee shops (or our own at-home “coffee shop” room, a converted bedroom that is decorated to look like a cafe) writing, playing card games, etc. Jon doesn’t actually like coffee, ironically, but he usually orders some kind of hot chocolate. I, on the other hand, prefer drinks that are sweet and caffeine-laden, so we ended up looking for a mix that could be used in coffee or standalone, thus providing a treat to the masses.

One of my proudest budget-savvy purchases along this vein was a collection of glass bottles. These particular bottles came from American Science and Surplus, a local science-supply store for teachers and the homeschooled. The store carries everything from home science kits to formaldehyde frogs for dissection, so it’s not the kind of place you’d expect to find anything particularly romantic. Nonetheless, I remembered their extensive collection of test tubes, miniature vases, and—ta daaa!—glass jars. The particular ones we purchased were frosted glass, square, 4.5 ounces, and less than $1.50 each. On top of that, there had recently been a Groupon for the store, saving me an additional $10 off the purchase!

We then took a fieldtrip over to Costco, which we figured was the best place to find super-size containers of hot chocolate. We managed to find some awesome Starbucks cocoa mix (good for mochas or hot chocolate) that ended up being fairly inexpensive.

Our original plan had been to layer a milk and white chocolate together to mirror the unity sand we were planning to do for our ceremony. However, it turns out that it is extremely difficult to find white hot chocolate mix that is actually white in color. When we finally did find some, it was fairly expensive, so we didn’t want to buy both the regular and white chocolate in the same brand (plus, we figured people would appreciate the Starbucks option). So, because the two types had different instructions, we chose to instead have two options: white or milk chocolate.

Favor-making is grueling, messy work!

After purchasing the chocolate, it was on to the labeling. Oh, the labeling. I had no idea that finding labels would be so difficult. I wanted something that covered the entire side of the jar, and that was big enough to include the directions of how to make the drinks. As it turns out, all the standard-size labels were too small or too awkward-shaped to work on such a large container. After investigating some ancient labels at Jon’s work, we discovered that diskette (yes, floppy disk!) labels were actually the perfect size–but who sells those anymore? We ended up ordering them online, and the labels arrived in a few days. All of the words on the outside of the box were in Spanish (no idea why; this wasn’t the case on the site), but hey, they stuck!

I used Word to put them together; thankfully, the program did still have the proper template to make everything work properly. I included our wedding date location, etc. on one side, and directions and a brief coffee-shop-theme explanation on the other.

From there, it was just a matter of washing all the containers, making a massive mess of our kitchen as we funneled the mixes into the containers, and creating an assembly line of sticking on labels with the help of two of our bridal-party members.

Voila!

Lessons learned tips from this project?

1. Hot chocolate is a seasonal item, so we wouldn’t have found it in Costco if we had waited. Keep this in mind with whatever items you may want to purchase—you may end up spending more overall if you have to order online and have items shipped.
2. 4 ounces is actually pretty big for a frosted-glass jar. It was not an option for us to fill the jar with spices due to the cost and the fact that 4 oz would be a ridiculous amount of spices! Make sure that you have a clear idea of what you want to do with your jars before you purchase them so you can buy an appropriate size.
3. It turned out that our jars required weirdly sized labels in order to look right. We actually had to special-order floppy-disk labels—because absolutely NO ONE uses these things anymore—to fit appropriately, and when they arrived, the box was in Spanish (not that it mattered). This is another interesting dimension to consider in the process. I also had to input my images and text into Microsoft Word sideways because of the way things needed to fit.
4. Funnels should be as large as possible.

All-in-all, we were able to put together favors that were “us,” and that were not terribly costly (our total cost was less than $250 for 120 favors!). It was an interesting project to say the least, but we were satisfied with the final result. Ta-da!

All of the completed jars, pre-labels.

_________________ Thanks for reading DIY Decor Part IV: These are a few of my Favor-ite things…. from: The Budget Savvy Bride

Looking for more budget savvy weddings? Visit our Real Weddings gallery! Need to find some DIY projects to save you money and create beautiful details? Check out our DIY project gallery! Connect with The Budget Savvy Bride on the web: Pinterest :: Twitter :: Facebook ::

I’m not a high-maintenance girl. I have a fairly extensive wardrobe because I [sometimes] enjoy shopping for clothes and accessories and am endlessly attracted to bright colors in most any form. Even then, however, I am a fairly simple gal. I generally wear solid-color clothing paired with khakis, black pants, etc. and am not very brave when it comes to trendy styles, pattern-combining, or any of the other trends the fashionistas so skillfully manipulate.

On a typical weekday, I crawl out of bed 30 minutes after my alarm goes off because 30 minutes is exactly how far I can push back the whole getting-ready process before I will be late to work. I then head to the closet, blearily pick out items that [hopefully] don’t clash, and head to the bathroom. The process there is as in-and-out as possible, basically including forcing my hair into a clip or hair tie (occasionally flat-ironing it, but this is apparently a SIN in the book of hair care, I’ve recently learned), putting on just enough foundation to cover any imperfections, and trying not to poke out my eye while I unskillfully apply enough mascara to create the illusion of eyelashes.

As a result of this beauty regimen (if you can even call it that), I have learned to simplify as much as possible. This, combined with my natural frugality, sends me into a bit of a panic in regard to the wedding-day routine.

Every bride-to-be has examined countless “getting ready” pictures taken by every photographer on earth. In these, the bridal party invades a salon, drinks mimosas, and generally enjoys beautifying and merriment. Optimistically, the getting-ready process, it appears, is an integral part of wedding preparation, girl bonding, and all that good stuff.

Yet something about the salon experience strikes a nerve with me. Part of me—feminism be damned—wants the whole princess-for-a-day fantasy, complete with looking as beautiful (read: polished) as I ever have. The rest of me, however, is annoyed that there are expectations about how I “should” look and what I “should” do.

This is something like what I picture wedding-day chaos to be. It’s expensive, and–dare I say–does not particularly appear to be soothing…

For example, the owner of the salon I have selected was fairly insistent about me coming in for a “hair trial” before the wedding. He gave me a big speech about how it will reduce the stress on the day of, and how I wouldn’t want to leave things up to chance. I found this spiel irritating because, if I am paying a professional to do my hair for an event (a service which, BTW, costs $20 more for me than the girls just because I am the bride), I expect that they are able to do it. Needing a “trial” beforehand suggests to me that they are not confident in their abilities and that they need practice. More importantly, it is not like the trial is free. Of course not. To get a “trial,” I will need to pay the bridesmaid-updo price (which, again, costs less than my day-of-‘do—why?). So the salon’s “practice period” brings them extra revenue. Huh? How is this right?

I was going to skip the whole thing altogether, but it was actually my low-maintenance bridesmaids who insisted on the salon ritual. One of them, in fact, has brought up her excitement about getting all dressed up and getting her hair done and all for MONTHS–this from a person who normally wears no makeup. Who knew? It appears that for them, the salon part of the day is as integral to the friendship as it is to the wedding-day process: an opportunity  for bonding amidst the beauty routines.

So we’ll go. I’ll call it a “wedding splurge,” as so many things tend to be surrounding the whole day. Hopefully, spending some time with the Posse before everything gets crazy will help keep me calm and distracted from the craziness to come. We’ll drink some mimosas to take the edge off.

I shall emerge a graceful swan.

Or something like that.

_________________ Thanks for reading [Finding] Beauty [in the?] Breakdown from: The Budget Savvy Bride

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_________________ Thanks for reading Wedding Stress (or, “Why Does Every Wedding Website Have to Give Me a LIVE COUNTDOWN?!?!”) from: The Budget Savvy Bride

Looking for more budget savvy weddings? Visit our Real Weddings gallery! Need to find some DIY projects to save you money and create beautiful details? Check out our DIY project gallery! Connect with The Budget Savvy Bride on the web: Pinterest :: Twitter :: Facebook ::

These boards bring easy personalization to your wedding or reception!

Another DIY project we put together got the boy involved as well! This relatively simple project is a great opportunity to spend some time thinking about all of the little things that make the two of you unique. I personally value individuality within a marriage, so a project like this makes perfect sense to me.

I found this project—which we later came to refer to as the “he/she boards”—online at Wedding Chicks and thought it was a great idea! The really cool thing about this project is that it allows guests to get a glimpse into your everyday lives without either of you having to be epic writers.

Plus, it can be a lot of fun!

Ok, let’s get started.

First, you will need to figure out where you would like to get your design printed. I would highly recommend pricing out printing costs before you do anything, as printing can be expensive—particularly if you select a large or unusual size. Find out the printing costs for a few standard sizes ahead of time so that there aren’t any surprises.

Second, purchase yourselves a pair of matching frames. You can make your final project small (such as a standard letter size) or larger to hang on the wall of your home after the wedding. We are hoping to hang up our boards after the wedding, so we printed ours in a larger 18” x 20” size (and made sure to match the large letters to our wall color)!

Now comes the fun part! Both you and Future Husband should take a bit of time to figure out some of the things that characterize you—or, more specifically, each other. Does he like to sing in the shower? Do you know every Broadway tune written since 1970? Does he always open the car door for you? Come up with a list of each of these items for your partner, including a good mix of physical characteristics, amusing quirks, sentimental thoughts, and favorite rituals. Each sentiment should be able to start with “he” or “she.” I suppose you could even have a third “we” board, if you wanted!

Next, you will need to lay out the design of your boards. I used InDesign to create ours, which gave me maximum freedom in getting everything just how I wanted it. I included about 30-35 different phrases on our boards, but it would all depend on how large yours will be and how big of a font you are using. I made the large “he” and “she” words somewhat transparent so that you could easily read the other words on top of them.

Once you’ve designed everything, get them printed, frame them up, and you’re done! I would also recommend purchasing small easels from a store like Home Goods to prop the boards up on your guest book, gift, or other tables for people to view while they are mingling.

How Much Does It Cost?

Printing: Our posters cost $33 total to print; the printing place charged by the square foot

Easels: Approximately $7 each from Home Goods

Frames: $13 each on clearance from Target

TOTAL: Approximately $66 for two boards

I love this project because, amidst all of the insanity of wedding planning, it can be nice to take some time out to remember why you are doing all of this in the first place. It is also really touching to realize—even in your busy and often-rushed lives—how much your partner notices about you.

This project is also a great [and less threatening!] way to start thinking about your vows, if you are going to write them yourselves. By remembering what makes each of you individuals, you can begin to think about what makes you a good couple and what you can do in the future to sustain your relationship.

_________________ Thanks for reading DIY Décor Part III: Personalized He/She Boards from: The Budget Savvy Bride

Looking for more budget savvy weddings? Visit our Real Weddings gallery! Need to find some DIY projects to save you money and create beautiful details? Check out our DIY project gallery! Connect with The Budget Savvy Bride on the web: Pinterest :: Twitter :: Facebook ::

When you don’t have flowers, you get creative.

I wrote in a previous post about my battle with whether or not to have flowers at the wedding. It was a difficult decision (especially given the many people who told me that it wasn’t a wedding without flowers and a perplexed caterer who wondered how to decorate without accent blooms), but I knew I could stick with it once I decided.

I considered all different types of decorations for centerpieces, based on a variety of different themes. Jon and I talked about making the whole thing storybook-themed, with books as the centerpieces. There are all kinds of things you could do based on your interests and your story. I decided, however, that I was most interested in incorporating bright colors, which meant that doing that and having a theme on top of that would probably be pretty complicated.

For centerpieces, my parents found us large (about 14” high) cylindrical vases from Big Lots, of all places. They were $4 apiece, which is phenomenal compared to the $10-$25 each everywhere else we’ve looked for similar sizes. My parents also purchased realistic True Touch calla lilies on sale from Hobby Lobby (True Touch, Real Touch, and other similar flowers have a rubberized feel and are almost indistinguishable from real flowers) in order to get in that lime-green color I wanted. For a more natural element, I purchased river rocks from Dollar Tree for $1 a bag.

Good to know: Dollar Tree has realized that wedding preparation could be a really good gig for them, so they have started offering a larger quantity of wedding and party supplies, as well as idea and project sheets. It is definitely a good place to check out! They offer floral supplies, vases, wedding bubbles, and much more! Youc an even order items in bulk from their website if you need a large quantity of something. http://www.dollartree.com/custserv/custserv.jsp?pageName=Weddings

We also purchased square mirrors on sale from Menard’s to place under the vases (packages of 6; I don’t remember how much), along with a massive bundle of white votives from Quick Candles, which has the cheapest prices I’ve found anywhere for virtually all of your candle needs.

The end effect will be something like this, but with calla lilies cut at different heights instead of the flowers pictured here.

Between the lime-green callas and the neutral-colored votives and rocks, I think the result will be elegant yet bright! We also will be having teal tablecloths on some of our smaller tables, so I think the contrast between the two will be stunning!

Who needs [real] flowers anyway?

_________________ Thanks for reading DIY Décor Part II: Centerpieces from: The Budget Savvy Bride

Looking for more budget savvy weddings? Visit our Real Weddings gallery! Need to find some DIY projects to save you money and create beautiful details? Check out our DIY project gallery! Connect with The Budget Savvy Bride on the web: Pinterest :: Twitter :: Facebook ::

I love bright colors—as you’ve probably learned by now—so I came up with all kinds of creative ideas of ways to incorporate them into our decorations. I know, however, that I have a tendency to want to overdo color, so I tried to incorporate neutral colors (usually white) in each element to balance everything out.

One of those ways has been by creating a slew of tissue-paper pomanders, which actually look pretty similar to their floral counterparts. In my case, they are also a subtle nod to my parents’ wedding (more than 40 years ago!), as my mom carried a floral pomander down the aisle instead of a traditional bouquet.

I’ve noticed all of these pomanders popping up everywhere lately—not just in countless wedding blogs, but also larger, looser versions in window displays, for décor during bridal showers, and more. Who knew I’d be ahead of the trend?

Most importantly, they’re easy, cheap to make, and very similar in appearance to the real-life floral versions!

Here’s what you will need:

• Tissue paper in your choice of color
• Styrofoam balls; I would recommend 3” or smaller, unless you want really huge pomanders!
• Pipe cleaners to match tissue paper
• Scissors or wire cutters to cut pipe cleaners and tissue paper
• Glue (I would recommend not using hot glue, as it seems like it would be too easy to burn yourself through the thin tissue paper)
• Ribbon
• Paper clips

How do you make these wonders? Follow my step-by-step tutorial!

1.      Cut the tissue paper to the size you’d like. Remember that the size you cut the sheets to will be the width of the individual flowers. Wider flowers will also fluff up higher.

2.      Layer cut sheets of tissue paper on top of each other; I recommend about 4-5 sheets per flower.

3.      Fold the sheets accordion-style.

Fluff up each layer of your flower individually to get the best volume!

4.      Cut your pipe cleaners down short—just slightly longer than you need to hold the paper together. If you make the pipe cleaners any longer than that, they will bend rather than going into the Styrofoam ball.

5.      Fold the pipe cleaners in half at the middle of your accordion and twist them together like a twist tie.

6.      Grab each layer of the flower individually and carefully pull upward to fluff the flower. Once you have done all of the layers, you will have a carnation-like flower!

7.      Jam the pipe cleaners into your Styrofoam ball until you cover the ball completely. I would recommend using glue for this step; I didn’t, and I’m concerned about some of them falling out later on.

8.      Cut a length of ribbon from which to hang the ball. Attach the ribbon to a paperclip, and stick the paperclip into the ball.

9.      Voila! You’re done!  Enjoy!

Tips:

• The pomanders I created used 4” Styrofoam balls, which ended up being pretty big and required 10-12 flowers each—that means that in the end, I created more than 140 flowers! I would recommend using something a little smaller, especially since the final product ends up being significantly wider than the original ball anyway.
• Glue your flowers and paperclips in for additional strength.
• You can mix and match colors within the same ball as well, although solid-color balls tend to look more like actual flowers.
• There are other variations of this craft project that yield a similar result, as you can see from this example on the Dollar Tree website: http://www.dollartree.com/assets/product_files/pdf/dollar_tree_weddings/tissue_paper_flowers.pdf
• This is a nice project to try if your wedding colors are something that is somewhat unusual or difficult to match, and/or if flowers do not come in the color you want (especially colors along the blue spectrum).
• You could also choose to have your bridesmaids carry these pomanders as “bouquets.” In that scenario, I would recommend going with a larger size.
• Easy as it may be, creating all of the individual flowers you will need for this project takes a LOT of time, so budget plenty of time for yourself to do them! The good news is that you definitely can catch up on your favorite shows while you’re working on them.
• You can also use these to hook on chairs along the aisle or to sit atop a small vase (without the ribbon) for decoration.

This project is easy and fun, and anyone can do it with minimal materials. Happy crafting!

_________________ Thanks for reading DIY Décor Part I: Tissue Paper Pomanders from: The Budget Savvy Bride

Looking for more budget savvy weddings? Visit our Real Weddings gallery! Need to find some DIY projects to save you money and create beautiful details? Check out our DIY project gallery! Connect with The Budget Savvy Bride on the web: Pinterest :: Twitter :: Facebook ::

After the show, it’s the after party.

After the party, it’s the hotel lobby.

Well, you get the idea.

Everyone talks about how loooooong the wedding day is, and I can certainly believe them. Given that part of what I do for a living involves running events, I am very familiar with the tired-feet-as-the-adrenaline-wears-off syndrome that often accompanies the completion of an event. When you spend a day troubleshooting, you tend to rack up massive miles walking problem-solving loops and determining how to put out many [hopefully metaphorical] fires.

However, I would imagine that work events are very different from a wedding day (or, more specifically, MY wedding day). Especially given this one key difference:

Skip ahead here, kids, if poignant vulgarity offends you.
It’s ok; just join us in the following paragraph.

Being a bride has certain perks—one of which is being given a free pass to not give a sh*t. More specifically, you’re allowed to think, “I’m going to f*cking kill you!” and then to think “You know what? I’m getting married right now; this is not my problem,” and turn around and walk away.

A Practical Wedding. Meg Keene, p. 192.

This–perhaps the single best sentence I have encountered in all of my reading–is precisely what I plan to do on my wedding day. That fact, combined with all of the fun things we have planned; general marital happiness; and the gathering of our most-loved family members and friends; makes this substantially different than shepherding lost students at work.

And by different, I mean awesome and, hopefully, energizing.

My point in saying all this is that I’m pretty sure I won’t want all of it to end. Lately, the man and I have been debating about the wedding-day timeline and what we can do to maximize time with our guests, and no matter how we slice things, the time we truly have to relax and enjoy the company of our guests seems unimaginably fleeting.

Sure, we have rearranged and massaged our timeline as much as possible to decrease the arbitrary “musts,” but there are still many factors that make it all fly by at the speed of light (amount of food, length of venue rental, and an obscure municipal rule that says that liquor service has to end at a certain time, to name a few).

Recently, I was reading one of the books on my recommended reading list, and they suggested the concept of the after-party following the wedding. A light bulb went off in my head as I read this information, and I wondered, “Why the crap didn’t I think of this?”

Now, I am not talking about anything that would be detailed down to the minute. You have plenty of that sort of thing to do in just planning the wedding day itself. However, how awesome would it be if you were able to take advantage of the fact that the wedding brings together people from all over whom you may not often get to see? What if, instead of just stopping by their table for a moment or two during mandatory mingling, you actually got a chance to talk with them? What if you could hang out and catch up? Think of the possibilities!

Here are just a few examples:

• Stopping by a bar after the official end of the wedding day while you’re still all decked out
• Hosting (or simply suggesting) a day-after brunch for people who are staying in the hotel
• Invite people to unwind at a local yoga class or introduce them to a taste of your upcoming honeymoon adventures with a trip to the beach or margaritas on the patio
• Inviting more than just your bridesmaids to join you at the salon the day of
• Leaving for your honeymoon a day later to allow for visits with friends
• Having people over to your place (if it’s nearby) to have pizza and watch movies
• Allowing friends or family to host an informal dinner/pool party/whatever
• Having a baking event the day before if you are making your own desserts/cake
• Or anything you want!

Wouldn’t that be awesome?!

Since all these ideas are just rolling around in my head right now, help me out! Are you hosting outside-of-the-wedding day events (besides showers and bachelorette parties)? If so, what and how?

_________________ Thanks for reading {Heather} The After Party (or “Why the Crap Didn’t I Think of That?”) from: The Budget Savvy Bride

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So remember all those posts I wrote before? The ones about how I met a photographer who was absolutely awesome—both personally and professionally? How this was someone I really admired and who I could see actually being friends with? How I was psyched for the pictures she would take at the wedding?

I take it all back. For reals.

Let me start at the beginning.

As you know, I instantly loved our photographer. I clicked with her personally and ideologically, and I loved her work. In short, she rocked. She was exactly the type of photographer I’d envisioned. She spent hours with us on an awesome engagement session and spent even more time chatting with me on the phone about all things wedding. I thought of her like a bonus bridesmaid—and I didn’t even have to find her a dress!

Did you notice the past tense? Yeah. About that.

The e-session proofs, posted on her business website, took a little longer to post than expected, but I know that she is a one-woman show and was willing to give her an extension for that. Once our pictures did make it up, I was thrilled. Everything had exactly the qualities I wanted: crisp, colorful images, bright colors, various angles, etc.

A few weeks after the proofs posted, I sent her an e-mail about the Save-the-Date design, which was included in our contract. She asked me to respond to her with information about what general type of design I wanted, as well as to pick out a few of the e-session pictures to include. I responded within a couple of days.

Time passed, and there was no design forthcoming. I had sent an e-mail or two to touch base, but had heard nothing back. My e-mails slowly got more persistent as I wondered what was going on. Finally, in mid-November, her husband (who assists her with the business) responded, saying that she had been taken to the hospital by ambulance a few days before. She was recovering well, he said, and she would be out of the hospital that week.

The news was shocking and sad, especially for someone so young. Unfortunately, wedding timelines wait for no one, so I responded with my condolences and assured him that she should rest and recover, and that I would take care of the Save the Dates.

Months passed. The holidays came and went, and we were distracted by other things. Around early January, it occurred to us that, after a couple of “how are you doing?” e-mails, we hadn’t heard from our photographer in a while and that it was probably time to start talking about our day-of timeline and special instructions.

Skip ahead a bit to late January. I’m on my computer, and the fiancé—in the middle of what I think was a question but which I didn’t actually hear—abruptly stops talking and looks over to me. I must have some kind of horrified expression on my face because he promptly forgets what he was saying and asks “What?”

“I’m trying not to panic,” I say.

He’s concerned now. “Why?”

“Because our photographer’s website is gone,” I say, the clearly prevalent panic in my voice cracking on the end of the sentence. “Her Facebook page is gone. Even the website for the new company she was going to start is gone.”

Even as I’m finishing my sentence, I am dialing her cell phone number.

It’s disconnected.

The business number is still intact, but it goes to voicemail. It’s Sunday, so I wouldn’t necessarily expect her to answer, but I happen to know that the number is routed to her home and that she’s answered on weekends in the past.

I feel sick.

I check review sites online and see that there are two brand-new negative reviews that are dated within the last week. They both have similar claims about the website disappearing and not being able to get ahold of her. Even worse for them, these are couples whose weddings have come and gone, and their pictures are now being held hostage.

I never thought that I’d be one of those wedding horror stories. I don’t know what I could have done differently. Before hiring our photographer, I looked at all the reviews I could find online, and she was at or near 5 stars on all of them. I asked a million questions in our initial meeting, checked out the company’s Better Business Bureau rating (A+), and called references.

Oh, and did I mention we’ve paid in full?

I wish I could tell you the neat conclusion to this story. I wish that we had everything resolved and that it all had turned out to be some sort of miscommunication. I wish that I wasn’t emotionally attached to the whole situation and that I didn’t feel personally duped in addition to being financially strapped. I wish I had insightful tips for other brides to give you the key to avoiding a situation like this, but I don’t have any of those things.

I also don’t have our engagement pictures or any of the money I’ve already paid out to a photographer who apparently doesn’t want to be a photographer anymore—to put things mildly.

I’ve cycled repeatedly through the stages of grief, including hearty doses of complete denial, sobbing, and anger so strong that it’s a physical reaction. It’s exhausting to even think about starting the photographer search over—especially after how intentional and careful [I thought] I was about it the first time. We booked everything so early so that we would have plenty of options; I can’t imagine we’ll have that kind of freedom now—not to mention that what we were going to spend on a photographer has already been spent.

I know I should be thankful that I haven’t lost my wedding pictures, as other couples apparently have, but I am too busy wallowing to be grateful for anything, thankyouverymuch.

The fiancee reminds me constantly that every wedding has some kind of snafu, and that this must be ours.

Seems like a pretty big snafu to me.

_________________ Thanks for reading {Heather} Photos, Bombed from: The Budget Savvy Bride

Looking for more budget savvy weddings? Visit our Real Weddings gallery! Need to find some DIY projects to save you money and create beautiful details? Check out our DIY project gallery! Connect with The Budget Savvy Bride on the web: Pinterest :: Twitter :: Facebook ::

{source}

I have a confession to make.

I’m a bad bride.

Really.

I’m not good at it.

People at work (and other places) ask me all the time “How’s wedding planning going?” and I never have any answers for them. I kind-of assume that the appropriate answer to this question (similar to “how are you?”) is “Fine.” Because, if we’re being honest with each other, do you really want to know what flowers I am choosing (or not choosing) or how I’m struggling with finding shoes? I can’t imagine that anyone really cares.

Secondly, I don’t see this whole marriage thing as quite as life-altering as everyone makes it out to be. Sure, we have a huge [freakin’ AWESOME] party in a few months. It’s going to be a blast, and we are going to have a wonderful time with all of our friends and family. I love the man I am marrying and want to “make it official” with the support of the many important people in my life.

But I don’t think that party is going to magically transform our relationship. As far as I’m concerned, the marriage is already made; the wedding is a celebration of that fact. Too often, I think, people confuse the two.

I’m not all squealy and girly about the whole thing; the wedding isn’t something I talk about all the time. Part of it has to do with what I like to call “wedding fatigue.” When you’ve been engaged forEVER like we have, you kind of get tired of thinking about it. What was exciting in the beginning—a whole lot of idea generating and looking at pretty pictures—slowly morphs into actual to-do-list items, and nobody wants a longer to-do list.

And finally, I’m a bad bride because I’m also SO MANY OTHER things. My identity is not wrapped up in this one label, and I won’t think of myself much differently when I transition from “fiancee” to “wife.”

Perhaps I would be much more excited about the bride thing if it was all I had to worry about, but it’s not. The last couple of months have been rough, and I have had to fulfill so many other roles. Besides “bride/fiancee,” I am also (to name a few):

* A family member, and we lost someone from our [already small] family over the holidays.
* A professional, and I’ve been consciously focused on professional development. This has led to at-work and out-of-work commitments that take up my time.
* A mentor, and it’s important for me to be there for my students as they cope with uncertainties and make major transitions in their own lives.
* A friend, and in the last few months, I’ve had one [very close] friend move away and another go through a rough time. The latter needed my support a lot more than I needed to talk about things like accessories and decorations.
* An employee, and budgets have been virtually nonexistent lately. No additional staff means I’ve been the busiest I’ve ever been in my job, and, as someone who plans events for a living, I’m not always psyched about coming home to do the same.

My point in telling you all this is not to make you feel sorry for me, or to complain, or to vent (although I have done plenty of each of those things recently). My point is to say that, for all of the things that make me a bad bride, I would hope that those things also make me a better person. I think that my many facets make me more interesting. My ups and downs help me to better empathize with friends’ unhappiness and better celebrate the exciting times. I hope that for all I analyze and all that I am involved in, that I am more well-rounded, practical, articulate person.

For all that I may lack as a bride, I hope I make up for as a person. And when that bride goes away in a few months? What’s left is the wife—and woman—I’ll be for the rest of my life.

And isn’t she the one worth focusing on?

_________________ Thanks for reading {Heather} Why I’m a Bad Bride from: The Budget Savvy Bride

Looking for more budget savvy weddings? Visit our Real Weddings gallery! Need to find some DIY projects to save you money and create beautiful details? Check out our DIY project gallery! Connect with The Budget Savvy Bride on the web: Pinterest :: Twitter :: Facebook ::