Seeing as this is my blog and therefore a place to vent I have come here tonight to do just that. *deep breath in*
I’m already getting all sad and mopey being away from E. I hate not seeing him every day. He is my best friend, the one I tell my secrets to, the one who brings me comfort, joy, love. He is the only person in this entire world who can make me smile when I feel like I’d rather die. And I miss the hell out of him right now.
I’ve had moments lately when I really hate that all of this has happened. How cruel life is sometimes. I mean in the last two weeks my life has been turned upside down. I know it sounds like i’m doing alot of complaining but I’ve been trying to be nothing but positive and everyone reaches a breaking point, eh? There’s alot of unanswered questions and items on to-do lists. The whole unemployment insurance situation has been a nightmare. I filed online the day after I lost my job and I still haven’t received my paperwork in the mail. When I went online to submit my weekly report, it locked me out of the system. Ugh. THEN, today I went to the unemployment office to talk to a real person about the problems I was having and their only response was ‘I don’t know what to tell you.’ SERIOUSLY?! I’m getting a migraine. I have no more health insurance, so that’s just lovely too considering the amount of health problems and doctors’ visits I had this year. And at the end of the day, I just wish I had E here to hold me on the couch and help me relax because I feel like I am going crazy without him.
I have no idea how we’re going to pay for our wedding. I can pretty much say with certainty that the wedding I have ‘envisioned’ is no longer within our reach and I don’t know what to do. I just wish it was all over and we were married and past this hard part- the distance, the planning, the pomp and circumstance. I just need some prayers and some good thoughts and maybe some anti-anxiety meds. *sigh*