*I wrote this post weeks ago, but haven’t had time to submit it since I’ve been busy with planning. This is my last post before my actual wedding post!
I went in for a trim, and the stylist cut my hair so short that it’s now near impossible for an updo. I was livid, I don’t exactly have the delicate bone structure to allow for this type of gender neutrality.
So when I got home, fuming over my hacked off locks, my favorite gentleman said to me,
“The woman I fell in love with? She would laugh about this.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, because when you’re marrying someone you’ve known for over half your life, they know almost exactly how you’d react in certain situations. They know that when you were 15, you cut your hair into an awkward hybrid of a pageboy and a mullet because your boyfriend at the time said he would love you even if you were ugly. They know that for your Senior Prom, after a particularly experimental hairstyle went array, you donned a giant white hat, and wore it with pride.
And after thinking about it, I was surprised that he didn’t make that comment months ago when I started getting all crazy and stressed out about this wedding. When we ended up coming in above budget, I had gotten angry in a completely disproportionate way to the situation.
I thought that with a 2 year engagement, we could relax and plan at our leisure. And in truth, the first 18 months were totally easy; choosing vendors, deciding who to invite, and collecting addresses. I remember thinking “this is what brides-to-be complain about? This is nothing!” Then the last 6 months were when I started to feel the stress. When my little brother told me he couldn’t make our custom topper, I started freaking out because there wasn’t any time to get one on Etsy. And when I realized that our food truck & caterers had minimum orders, I started crying about how all of our No RSVPs would mean that we’d end up with buckets of leftovers.
And that’s when I realized that my husband-to-be’s comment, was something that I knew he’d be thinking about for months. It was him trying to tell me that he secretly hates the person that I’ve become in this wedding planning process, and now, 2 weeks before my wedding; I’m realizing that I’m not in love with who I’ve become either.
So what am I going to do about it? Let things fall into place, however they may. If we end up with 3 weeks of leftovers, that’s fine. And if my favorite gentleman needs to have his bachelor party months after our wedding day? That’s fine too. I’ve FINALLY come to peace with the fact that not everything is going to be perfect, no matter how much time we have to square everything away.