It’s a frequent piece of advice given to budget brides: cut the guest list! Many venues also limit the number of attendees which can determine a couples’ guest list limits.
But how do you go about not inviting people? We’ve been struggling with this lately. Our venue holds 140 and we’ve sent out save-the-dates to 180 people who we could not eliminated from the list. We were happy with our list, and confidant that everyone on it was important to us and would really support us on our wedding day. Mostly, we’re just crossing our fingers and hoping it’ll work itself out.
But recently, we were at an event with some friends from college. There were four people there who both of us know well, and who we spend time with on a regular basis. There were also two people who we were not close friends with in college, but knew through mutual friends. They now live far away, and we only see them maybe once a year. Neither have attempted to remain in contact over the years. We like them, and we’re happy to see them every so often, but we made the decision not to invite them, and it seemed totally reasonable to me.
Unfortunately, it was incredibly awkward at this event when we were publicly called out for not inviting these people. I was immediately outraged: Who are these people to question our wedding? They know nothing about our limits on space, and we don’t even talk to them regularly. Why do they expect to be invited?
I think part of the issue stems from the “college friends” phenomena (which likely holds true for any group – work friends, high school friends, etc). People assume that if one member of the “group” is invited, everyone will be. They see it as a chance to have a reunion, and in the case of my friends, drink and dance and party.
Our actual wedding will be a far cry from the all-night open-bar dance fest of twenty-somethings that they seem to expect. The gust list is 75% family and family friends who are quite a bit older than us. We’re having only beer and wine, no dancing, and an early evening. Yes, we’re inviting some young people, but we’re not having a kegger!
How do you deal with cutting your guest list, or dealing with people who assume they’re invited? Have you encountered people who assume your wedding will be different than what you’re planning?