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Seeing as this is my blog and therefore a place to vent I have come here tonight to do just that. *deep breath in*

I'm already getting all sad and mopey being away from E. I hate not seeing him every day. He is my best friend, the one I tell my secrets to, the one who brings me comfort, joy, love. He is the only person in this entire world who can make me smile when I feel like I'd rather die. And I miss the hell out of him right now.

I've had moments lately when I really hate that all of this has happened. How cruel life is sometimes. I mean in the last two weeks my life has been turned upside down. I know it sounds like I'm doing alot of complaining but I've been trying to be nothing but positive and everyone reaches a breaking point, eh? There's alot of unanswered questions and items on to-do lists. The whole unemployment insurance situation has been a nightmare. I filed online the day after I lost my job and I still haven't received my paperwork in the mail. When I went online to submit my weekly report, it locked me out of the system. Ugh. THEN, today I went to the unemployment office to talk to a real person about the problems I was having and their only response was “I don't know what to tell you.” SERIOUSLY?! I'm getting a migraine. I have no more health insurance, so that's just lovely too considering the amount of health problems and doctors' visits I had this year. And at the end of the day, I just wish I had E here to hold me on the couch and help me relax because I feel like I am going crazy without him. 🙁

I have no idea how we're going to pay for our wedding. I can pretty much say with certainty that the wedding I have ‘envisioned' is no longer within our reach and I don't know what to do. I just wish it was all over and we were married and past this hard part- the distance, the planning, the pomp and circumstance. I just need some prayers and some good thoughts and maybe some anti-anxiety meds. *sigh*

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About Jessica

Jessica is the creator of The Budget Savvy Bride; she launched the site in May of 2008, shortly after becoming engaged. Jessica has been recognized as a budget wedding expert by various media outlets and continues to share realistic inspiration and actionable tips to help brides save money on their weddings. Google

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  • Pam

    You are definitely in our prayers. I know it doesn’t help right now… but, it will get better. This will pass and the sun will shine brighter tomorrow. (or the next day). I’m glad you are journaling your thoughts on missing your E so that once you are married and driving each other nuts…you can look back and remember how hard it was to be apart. It is all about perspective. Think of you often… happy 2009!

  • You’ll definitely be in my prayers! I know it gets difficult, just keep your focus and know what you want. Remember that most things can be done, you may just have to take a different approach. I’ll check back often; take care!!

  • Cyd

    I wish I could not relate to the tornado of emotions you’re feeling right now, but I know them all too well. All I can offer by way of advice is to keep doing what you’re doing and focus on moving forward, taking the right steps to ease this burden as much you can and look forward to the great days ahead. It really will get better, as I am finally figuring out after months of feeling hopeless, and luckily you have a great family and E to help you get to the other side. My thoughts are with you!


  • I have followed your blog for a while now, but I don’t think I have ever commented. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers and I hope that 2009 brings you all you deserve. Best wishes. Hold strong.

  • Kellie

    I love reading your blog and just wanted to let you know that your not alone. I lost my job back in Nov and I still haven’t gotten my unemployment! They are so slow, I continue to call for my schedule appts every 2wks because once and if I’m approved they will have to pay me from Nov. This economy is a trickle down effect of poor government starting from the TOP! Hopefully with a new incoming president that’s for the middle/working class things will turn around.

    As for the wedding I stress about not having enough money everyday since the FI is the only one working but I put it in gods hands and take it a day at a time. Trust me it works try not to think about it and deal with the wedding as it comes. Me and the FI have already agreed that the closer we get if we have to pull out and elope then we will because more than anything I just want to be married!

    Stay strong and you are definetly in my prayers 🙂

  • You are definitely not complaining too much. If you can’t express what you’re going through on your blog, then I don’t know where you can! Hang in there. It will definitely be tough, but remember that you will be together shortly… and time will fly! COBRA is always a pain to get started, from what I’ve heard… you’ll get it all sorted out.

  • Oh hon, I know this sucks. I went through 4 1/2 months of unemployment last spring and it was so hard not to be miserable. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to try to stay on a regular schedule: go to bed at a regular time, wake up at a regular time, eat healthy and well-rounded meals at regular times, and exercise. Keep calling the unemployment people, it will eventually get sorted out and you will receive all your back benefits. As for health insurance, I don’t know what your state might offer but I know when I lost my job I became eligible for a state-subsidized health plan intended for small businesses, etc, and it cost a lot less than Cobra for decent basic coverage. Good luck, you will get through this.

  • AmyJean @RelentlessBride

    You are so lucky to have found such a great FH. Someone you can miss when he’s away and cherish when he’s nearby… and i’m glad you realize that when all is said and done, that’s all you want… to be his wife. The wedding will be fabulous, even if its not what you “envisioned”… you are marrying the man of you dreams and that in an of itself is more beautiful than anything money can buy!

    Keep your head up… 2009 will bring you a lot of great things… I just know it will! 🙂


  • Megan

    hang in there…I know that it provides little comfort now, but this phase will only make your relationship that much stronger!!

  • Hi there. Feeling worked over is completely normal–you’ve been (and are going through) the wringer. Keep your perspective, but know that you’re allowed (and indeed, NEED) to cry and vent and rant and rave.

    I wrote a post about accepting ourselves in rough times last month (link: Not sure it’ll help, but thought I’d share just in case.

    Thinking of you. I can’t imagine having to live away from my fiance right now. Stay strong.


  • Amy

    Wow. Not a bad wow, but a good wow. I would have cracked long before now. I mean that. Everyone has a moment in their wedding plans when the stop and just break. I know I have had. (

    I’m keeping in your thoughts and prayers. Maybe you just need to put a new spin on your wedding, work it a different way and think outside of the box. That one thing alone has helped me more than anything else in the world.

    If all else fails.. realize your wedding will never be as bad as a this girls: plastic pink table cloths, confetti, no church decorations, and the preacher forgot the ring ceremony and declared them husband and wife. The good news the bride was stunning, no one will ever forget her wedding, and it was short. Lol.

  • A new year a new year. I totally been in this spot before. I know it sounds stupid, but these things make us strong. Sometimes the Lord (or whoever you worship) gives us things to make us strong and more appreciative of what we have. Things are going to get better. Have a happy new year and just think about all of the positive things to come.

    No problem about the posting. What are blogging friends for!!!

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