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cut the guest list{source}

It's a frequent piece of advice given to budget brides: cut the guest list! Many venues also limit the number of attendees which can determine a couples' guest list limits.

But how do you go about not inviting people? We've been struggling with this lately. Our venue holds 140 and we've sent out save-the-dates to 180 people who we could not eliminated from the list. We were happy with our list, and confidant that everyone on it was important to us and would really support us on our wedding day. Mostly, we're just crossing our fingers and hoping it'll work itself out.

But recently, we were at an event with some friends from college. There were four people there who both of us know well, and who we spend time with on a regular basis. There were also two people who we were not close friends with in college, but knew through mutual friends. They now live far away, and we only see them maybe once a year. Neither have attempted to remain in contact over the years. We like them, and we're happy to see them every so often, but we made the decision not to invite them, and it seemed totally reasonable to me.

Unfortunately, it was incredibly awkward at this event when we were publicly called out for not inviting these people. I was immediately outraged: Who are these people to question our wedding? They know nothing about our limits on space, and we don't even talk to them regularly. Why do they expect to be invited?

I think part of the issue stems from the “college friends” phenomena (which likely holds true for any group – work friends, high school friends, etc). People assume that if one member of the “group” is invited, everyone will be. They see it as a chance to have a reunion, and in the case of my friends, drink and dance and party.

Our actual wedding will be a far cry from the all-night open-bar dance fest of twenty-somethings that they seem to expect. The gust list is 75% family and family friends who are quite a bit older than us. We're having only beer and wine, no dancing, and an early evening. Yes, we're inviting some young people, but we're not having a kegger!

How do you deal with cutting your guest list, or dealing with people who assume they're invited? Have you encountered people who assume your wedding will be different than what you're planning?

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  • Andrea

    Ugh, yes I feel your pain! Our venue has enough space, but we want to limit our numbers to 125-150 due to the high cost. Our debate is similiar, but has to do with whether or not people can bring kids! It is going to be an evening reception at an elegant restaurant, so it really isn't the place for young children! We settled on just having the kids in the wedding be there, but now when I tell people that, they say, "Oh, I understand, but I can bring my kids, right?!" What do you say to that??!!!!! It floors me how rude some people can be! How can I "pick and choose" kids? We have to pay just about the same price for kids as adults, so we truly can't afford it! It puts us in such a difficult spot!

  • HELLLLLO Rowenna.

    Wow. My moms side of the family. My cousin is one of those people that have to constantly CRAP on you about anything. Somethings always wrong and there is never anything good in the world. She sent me a nasty email and totally raked me over the coals over nothing.

    CHOP!!! Its been coming for a long time. We havant sent out invitations yet and have decided not to invite them. If they pull that drama in everyday life whats going to happen at the wedding ? I have no need for that drama on our wedding day!

    Cousin Sarah you and your complete drama act are not invited.

  • connie

    All I have to say is THANK THE LORD– I'm not the only bride-to-be who's experienced this! One of my bridesmaids sent me your post only a day after I had shared virtually the SAME story with her! I have the same exact sentiment about it! I mean I don't think people really realize how much a wedding costs and that can easily skyrocket with the number of guests that the couple has! It's obvious they weren't invited, but it's tactless to ask the bride and groom about it. We were asked if the un-invitee could come as a guest of a mutual invited friend. My answer: point This isn't a birthday party… just sayin.' Thanks for sharing my sentiment!!

  • g @ wedding favors

    Oh yes, that situation is inevitable. But that's your wedding, you can invite whoever you want to invite and people should not be hurt when they weren't invited. This is going to be your day, not theirs. 😉

  • Crystal S.

    As most brides, I believe that we all face this situation. Who to invite, who not to invite and what to do about the non-invitees. I had a friend, who happens to be a non-invitee, tell me that if they are a true friend and someone who cares about you and your future marriage, it will not matter to them and they will understand the limitations that we all face when it comes to budget and our personal sanity! I totally agree with her and now believe that we have made a good decision in having a small wedding. Go with what works for you. As the saying goes " Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter!"

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