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Hello ladies!

One totally budget-savvy (and personal) tip often given to brides is to use your talented friends to help out with your wedding. We took full advantage of this option, and it turns out that we had lots of friend vendors willing to help out in different areas.

Unfortunately, friend-ors are not under contract in the same way as a traditional vendor, and so things are less set in stone, and more subject to change.

Recently, we've felt the sting of this. A friend of mine, who's done cakes and desserts for several weddings before, graciously volunteered to provide homemade cupcakes for our event at cost. She did a few sample batches for us and we discussed decoration plans. Meanwhile, I check dessert off my list and did no outside research. Then, in January, she came to me to let me know about a family conflict of interest that would prevent her from doing the cupcakes, and even from attending the wedding. She offered to make them way ahead of time and freeze them, but I was not up for defrosting and decorating the cupcakes on my own wedding day, so I needed a new dessert plan.

Around the same time, the friend of ours who is an incredible pianist, who was signed up to play for our cocktail hour let us know that he might have a conflict and wasn't sure if he could commit.

It's  a complicated situation for us. We want to include our friends, but we don't want to leave things to the last minute, or risk things falling through. It's not always possible to have a backup plan. When involving friends, you run risks. Anyone else been in this situation? What are your thoughts on hiring friendors?

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  • If hiring friendors- make sure they are your best friends and only the closest ones. Other friends who aren't as close to you are more likely to not work as hard and not feel as much loyalty.

  • Suzy

    We had a friend offer to make us a cake (he had baked in previous jobs). Great! No so great when he backed out at the last minute. I now know that it is best to thank your friends for their offers but to explain that you would much rather them just be there as a guest to help celebrate with you on your special day 🙂

  • ibraidhair

    Just a word of advice about "friendors" from past experience- if someone offers their services, awesome. Buy them a small gift or send a thank you card. If you ask them to help you out, please don't assume they will perform their services free of charge. Offer to pay them or ask what they would charge. Your friend may feel bad about asking for pay and suffer in silence and think of you as a cheapskate. Remember that their time is valuable. Don't take advantage of your talented friends.

  • good question and very very good points. i say pass on the friends too. they arent under contract and there are often many mismanaged expectations. they mean well but you often get what you pay for. plus, it's not worth losing a friend over poor communication or misunderstandings.

  • Our wedding was half vendor/half friendor. It's difficult when people let you down or back out, but ultimately, there just isn't any predicting it. Friendors can be great when they come through for you. I had a conflict myself in that my florist friend was planning to get married three weeks before us. It was being planned quickly and I began looking into other options just in case. Luckily for us, she postponed her wedding.

    I hope things work out even better than you had hoped for!

  • I'm a wedding photographer that's done "friend" jobs in the past. I wouldn't say I did a "less" job because i wasn't their best friend. However, I will say, when calling upon my own friends for my wedding I am making them all sign a contract because of this issue. Friends will REALLY be able to commit usually when they're signing their name on the line.

  • When having a friendor at your wedding some details might be more complicated…or more simple

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