There’s no doubt about the initial thrill that comes after saying “Yass!” to your one-and-only. At that moment, you couldn’t wait to start planning your wedding, picking out color palettes, and getting knee deep in tulle.
But now that some time has gone by and the Big Day is just around the corner, you might be feeling a bit anxious. It’s not that you’re not excited anymore – you can’t wait to jump into that dress and say I do. But you can’t help but notice the butterflies swirling around in your stomach and the worried thoughts cluttering your mind like old boxes in an attic.
Thought like: what if it rains, what if I fall, what if my guests hate everything, what if I mess up the vows, what if what if what if….WHAT IF EVERYTHING GOES WRONG?
Take a breath, darling bride. A big, deep breath that you hold at the top of your head, then slowly let go so that your shoulders relax.
Now that you’re breathing again, I’m here to share a secret with you. It’s really quite a simple secret, but it’s the key to easing all those wedding day worries and fears.
But before I let you in on this secret, let me lay down some quick facts about those seemingly negative emotions you’re experiencing.
A lot of what you’re feeling comes from:
Fear of Judgement and Societal Pressure
On the surface of things, it may not seem like you care about what other people think, but if you dig a little deeper you might find that many of your wedding day worries come from just that.
Your wedding will likely be THE biggest party you’ll ever plan, so it’s natural to want to get it right. Of course you want your guests to have fun and enjoy celebrating this special time in your life.
But in the back of your head, you might hear Mom complaining about the linens you chose or one of your co-workers getting snippy about the seating arrangements. Or maybe the loudest critic of all is your own voice.
Whatever the case, you can’t please everyone. It’s just not possible in this universe we live in. Maybe someday we’ll figure it out, but for now, the only people you really need to please is you and your fiance.
Perhaps you find yourself worried sick about things you can’t control. What if the weather goes wonky or a couple of family members abuse the open bar and decide to rehash old drama?
If you’ve planned and prepped and done everything you know you can do to either prevent such things or remedy them should they actually happen, there’s nothing else you can do. And worrying isn’t going to make things better or ward off anything from happening.
To worry yourself sick over things that are outside of your control is to rob yourself of the present moment. As Leo F. Buscaglia said, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”
With everything we see on television and read in bridal magazines, it’s no wonder future brides feel overwhelmed and worried out of their gourds. Let’s face it – weddings are inflated. The whole act becomes a beautiful spectacle that carries with it an importance far beyond what some can handle.
You’ve probably read things like, “This is the biggest moment of your life,” and “This is your once-in-a-lifetime moment.” No do-overs. No regrets. Get it right or suffer the consequences.
Of course your wedding is a huge thing, but not because of all the material, physical stuff that goes with it. It’s a celebration, not a life or death sentence.
Ease Wedding Day Worries by Shifting Your Mindset
Now that we’ve named these fears and worries, we can start focusing on how to ease them. While you’ll still probably have a few butterflies, if you shift your thinking just a bit, you’ll feel a weight lifted off your shoulders.
That secret I was talking about, my dear bride-to-be, is a mindset thing. And of course it is! It might seem challenging, but it’s actually quite simple when you get down to the bare bones of it.
Mindset Shift #1: Flip Your Script to the Positive
A simple mindset shift to help you ease your wedding fears is to turn what if everything goes wrong into what if everything goes right?!
Have you ever asked yourself that? It’s such a simple shift and yet, so powerful when activated. So when you start hearing those negative voices and feel yourself spiraling down the rabbit hole of “What if this or that goes wrong,” stop yourself and say out loud (you can whisper it if you want), “But what if everything goes right?” See how you feel afterward.
Mindset shift #2: Focus on the Big Picture
Another simple mindset shift to ease your worries is to focus on the big picture over the details. The details are everything that encompasses your wedding, from the venue to the decor to the reception playlist. The big picture is your marriage.
In the whirlwind of planning and then hosting your wedding day, you might actually forget what it’s all about. Okay, you won’t totally forget, but you might let all those expectations and worries and activities cloud your head. When that happens, molehills turn into mountains and the reason behind the actual celebration gets buried beneath the fondant and tulle and champagne.
The love between you and your fiance and your future together is what matters most. Your wedding is just the first stop on the journey that is your marriage. When you can look at it like that, all the details don’t seem so daunting anymore.
Dearest bride, I hope your heart is a little lighter after reading this. You’ve learned where your worries and fears are coming from and how shifting your thinking can make a huge difference in how you feel and react to perceived fears.
Rest your head tonight knowing that you’ve got this, and not only because of what you’ve read here but because you have something much more powerful supporting you… LOVE!
Editor's note: Due to the pandemic, some of the general wedding planning advice we share may not be applicable or possible due to restrictions on events. Please adhere to all current regulations and stay safe and healthy! Get more resources for planning a pandemic wedding here.