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Ask Jessica: Wedding Vows for Him

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Dear Jessica,


I want my fiancé and I to write our own wedding vows. But he isn’t exactly the emotionally expressive type. Do you have any tips or resources you could share to help with wedding vows for him?

-Ashley in CO

Hi Ashley!
Thanks for the question! I think it’s so romantic when a couple decides to write their own vows- it’s just so personal and intimate. First, I’m assuming that you’ve already discussed this option with your fiancé and he’s also on board with this plan? (I hope so!) If not then you need to discuss the idea with him pronto to give him the proper time to think it over or prepare. I think it’s important that you both be on the same page about the idea. Either way, it’s very sweet that you want to find help for your groom’s wedding vows — it shows that you know him well and want to make things a bit easier for your husband-to-be.
I think if you decide to write your own vows you should both take time to reflect on your relationship. These ideas can apply to both you OR your groom- so whether your writing your own vows or thinking about wedding vows for him, these tips should help get the creative love juices flowing. Take out a piece of paper and answer the following questions:
  • What attracted you to your future spouse?
  • What you love most about your future spouse? (physically, personality wise, etc)
  • What quality does your future spouse posses that you admire?
  • What are your favorite memories the two of you have shared?
  • What are the hardest things you’ve been through together as a couple?
  • Has your partner ever helped you through a hard time that was especially meaningful?
  • At what moment did you realize that you loved your future spouse?
  • At what moment did you realize that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person?
  • What do you hope for the future in your relationship and marriage?
  • What are you most looking forward to about being married?



Discuss your answers. I suggest going out on a date with your fiancé to talk about the answers to these questions. It will be a romantic way to distract yourself from the craziness of wedding planning. Discuss some parameters for your wedding vows for him to have an idea of what you have in mind. When you are thinking about your groom’s wedding vows, what is it that you want to hear from him? Personal memories or anecdotes or deep professions of love?



Set limits. Put a limit on your vows – whether a time limit or word count. Keep your guests in mind when deciding on length – you don’t want them to get bored with a lengthy speech, but be sure to do what feels right to both of you. Think about how embarrassing it could be if your vows are 3 pages long and your groom’s wedding vows are only a paragraph. Could be a bit awkward, right?



Decide on a format. Do you want to make pledges or promises or would you rather it be more free form?  You want to ensure that the tone matches as well – so keep things sweet with a dash of humor for good measure. Do you want to open or close your vows with the same line or promise? It’s something that could help both sets of vows feel more unified.



Set a due date. You don’t want either of you to be up all night before the wedding writing your vows, so set a date at least a few weeks in advance to have your vows completed by. Review them together and decide if you want to add or take anything away. If you don’t want to ruin the surprise, have a neutral party collect and review the vows to ensure that they are both similar in length, tone, sweetness factor, etc.


At the end of the day, you’ll be glad you took the time to go through this together and it will be all the more meaningful that you made these vows yourselves. Hope this was helpful to you! As always feel free to ask any questions in the comments or email me at help(@)thebudgetsavvybride.com

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Jessica Bishop is the founder of TheBudgetSavvyBride.com, and author of the best-selling book,The Budget-Savvy Wedding Planner & Organizer. Jessica's expert wedding advice and money-saving tips have been featured by Good Morning America, COSMOPOLITAN, Glamour, and more.