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How To Write Authentic Wedding Vows In 11 Easy Steps

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Considering writing your own wedding vows? Check out these tips and advice to make them meaningful and authentic!

Katherine Rundell

Wedding vows can be one of the most memorable and meaningful moments of your wedding. Writing your own vows offers you a chance to make the experience more personal and intimate, but it can also be daunting knowing where to begin. Here are ten simple steps to help you write your own authentic wedding vows.

1. Decide On The Tone And Style Together 

Discuss the tone and style of the vows with your partner. Decide whether you want to write serious, heartfelt vows or whether you prefer to write more light-hearted and humorous ones instead. Another important consideration is to decide whether you will create one set of vows together that you will both say or two separate, individual sets. Similarly, agree on whether you want to keep your vows secret until the wedding itself or whether you prefer to share them with one another ahead of time.

2. Check With Your Officiant 

It’s worth talking to your wedding officiant about your plans to write your own vows. There are certain instances, particularly in religious ceremonies, where it’s required that certain phrases are included, even in personalized vows. It’s also important to find out if your officiant needs to check your vows ahead of time so you can have them written and prepared in good time.

3. Take Time To Reflect

Take some time to reflect and write some ideas and reflections down. It can be useful to use questions as prompts for this. For example: when did you know that your partner was “the one”? What is your favorite memory of your relationship so far? What is it about your partner that you most love and which makes you want to marry them? What are you most looking forward to in your future together? Answering these questions can be a great starting point for writing your vows. 

Jill Meyer, of Write Weddings, suggests, “When writing personal wedding vows, digging deep will generate details that take your words from average to extraordinary.  For example, perhaps you love your partner because she encourages you to reach your goals. But if you take it a step further, you love her because she brings you snacks and caffeine when you’re up late studying for your MBA. Now go even further. What kind of snacks and caffeine does she bring? “I love that you support my goals and bring Swedish fish and Red Bull when I’m up late studying for my MBA” is a lot more personal than, “I love that you support my goals and dreams.””

4. Find Inspiration In Literature

It can also be useful to find some examples of vows online to use as inspiration, particularly if you’re experiencing writer’s block. This can be a particularly helpful exercise if you’re struggling with how to structure your vows or with their length. 

“If you want some inspiration, look to the great writers,” suggests Kenneth Ford, a writer at Essay Help and State Of Writing. “Look to literature, including poems and short stories, for phrases which you find moving and which resonate strongly with you. Consider song lyrics too. Make a note of these and refer to them when writing your own vows.”

writing your own wedding vows

5. Be Honest And Authentic

Gather all your notes and any material you may have collected, such as phrases from poems or songs. Refer back to your initial notes and reflections and begin to weave them together to form your vows. Above all, you want your vows to be genuine and authentic. 

Once you’ve written your first draft, leave it for a few days and then return to it with fresh eyes. You can then begin to edit and shape it further. If you find that there’s lots of extra information that you’d like to share with your partner, consider writing them a letter that you give to them as gift on the day of your wedding.

6. Include Personalized Promises

Remember to include a vow or promise in your wedding vows. Include a phrase beginning, “I promise…” or “I vow…”, usually towards the end of your vows. These promises will form the basis of your marriage, so be sure to personalize them. What do you most want to promise your partner and have them promise to you? 

7. Use A Template

If you’re really struggling to write your vows or have writer’s block that you simply can’t overcome, consider using a template. You can find a range of wedding vow templates online which you can use or adapt. In many cases, they have sentence starters with spaces for you to fill in the gaps. As long as your words are sincere and personalized, then there’s nothing wrong with using a template to help you structure your vows.

8. Give Yourself Plenty Of Time

One of the worst things you can do is to leave your wedding vow writing to the last minute.

“Procrastinating isn’t going to make writing your vows any easier. In fact, all it will achieve is to make you feel more stressed and anxious as the big day approaches. Make sure you give yourself plenty of time to write your vows. Ideally, start writing them about 6 weeks before the wedding. That way, you’ll have plenty of time to edit them and have them ready at least two weeks before the wedding,” suggests Jacqueline Denton, a wedding blogger at Do My Essay and PaperFellows.

9. Write Your Vows Down

Although you might be confident that you can memorize your vows, it’s always a good idea to write them down just in case nerves get the better of you on the day. It’s also a good idea to make an extra copy and give it to your best man/maid of honor on the day. Remember too that your cards may be captured in photographs, so be sure to write them on clean card and in legible writing. You can even choose colored cards that match the wedding color scheme or theme.

wedding vows

10. Practice Aloud

Practice saying your vows aloud, either to yourself or to a trusted friend or family member. This will help you to identify any parts of the vows which feel unnatural or need to be edited. It will also help you to learn your vows and to practice saying them in a natural, clear voice. Try to imagine that you are saying them to your partner and check whether they feel comfortable and sincere.

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11. Use an AI Vow Writing Tool to Get Started

Get assistance writing personalized and meaningful wedding vows, ceremony scripts, wedding toasts, and more with the tools available from Provenance. You can even work with an expert speechwriter through their platform. PS — Get 10% off Provenance’s Vow Builder and Ceremony Builder with code BSB at checkout! Try Provenance today!


Writing your own wedding vows should be an enjoyable and exciting experience. Give yourself plenty of time to reflect, draft, and edit your vows. Practice saying them aloud and memorizing them, but ensure you have a written copy to hand just in case you need it. Above all, just remember to be true to yourself and speak from your heart.

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Katherine Rundell

Katherine Rundell is an accomplished wedding writer at Custom Essay Service, where she regularly writes about weddings, including vow writing and speeches. She is also a regular blogger at Essayroo.com. When not writing, Katherine enjoys spending time reading and browsing the latest fashion trends and wedding dress designs.